I sometimes wonder am I the only person who removes my shirt and one pant leg before sitting on the toilet to relieve myself. I really can’t remember how it stared, but it’s been many years now.  I believe this procedure may have originated with an extremely rear case where I was forced to use some random public facility.

It was a disgusting setting, you know that restroom you can’t even bring yourself to number one in, where you’d sooner piss your pant than endure the paralyzing pestiferous public porta-potty?
To avoid having anything other than the soles of my boots come in contact with any diseased surface of that hellhole I removed my shirt, then while tittering on one leg, removed the other pant leg and folded it against my body; that after covering the seat with an environmentally apathetic amount of tissue.

I was actually quite comfortable once I closed my eyes and thought deep thoughts, like:
“…if Jesus dwells within me, was he satisfied with last night’s meal? Cause the curry chicken wasn’t really curry enough”.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no germaphobe or something, its just I don’t want my pants laying on the section of floor in front of a toilet or bunched up against bottom face of a commode the area otherwise known as the “piss runoff” and heaven forbid the tail of my shirt resting on the back of the seat or most awful, beneath the rim, yuck!! Beside I like the spread, you have to if you’re a fat-ass, there I said it!

Honestly, sometimes I’d much rather shit in the woods…and I have….several times…..this week! You have to try if you haven’t. Get buck-naked walk from your house into some woods, an enchanted one preferably, trying ever so carefully not to be seen because you will be arrested for indecency….or worst if you have close neighbors, find a nice secure spot and do your business.

Here’s a tip: you may want to squat with your back against a tree or squat while holding a tree for balance, either way it’s the most oneness you’ll ever have with nature.

Isn’t it interesting how we’re willing do all types of embarrassing things in the presence of one another, even having sex in front of strangers but when it comes to “our business” or as Mumuiah refers to it, “making mess” it’s a closed door. In fact the ritual that goes on behind those doors; you know like wiping techniques-seat layering patters and such, is a secret kept tighter than Area 51. It seems like the only bathroom topic anyone’s willing to discuss is whether they’re an over or under person. But Then again is it a big deal? Should this even be a conversation?

Anyway that’s just something I think about while in the act; here are some other things that cross my mind during that most private time….

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